Where the Heart Is
by Yana Montana
Summary: Duty and Love. Why these things never come together? Alestia Cousland tries to break some rules. Femslash! Rated M for violence and sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

I am still on my first DA:O playthrough, but I am already in love with this game and its characters. My mind keeps wondering and fantasizing. I can't take it anymore! I had to write a story, Leliana and FemCousland to be specific as it is my favorite pairing. So here it goes, my first Dragon Age fanfic.

Special thanks to DENISLAMINACCIA for moral support and beta reading.

Hope you all like it. Criticism is more than welcome! :-)

**Where the Heart Is**

Alestia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The new shooting technique wasn't as affective as she thought it would be, though Morrigan tried to assure her otherwise. May be putting some spells on her arrows to make the shot more powerful was a bad idea after all? Arrow of Slaying… Ha! It seemed more like Arrow of Mocking to her at the moment. Alestia gave a long sigh and took another arrow from the quiver behind her back. She looked at her Bow of the Golden Sun with pride, such a fine craftsmanship and yet it failed to deliver its true potential at the very moment. But she had to keep trying, because she was too stubborn to let the despair consume her.

Alestia gripped the bow with her left hand and put the arrow on the bow string. She used all her strength to draw the bow as hard as she could and waited several seconds for power to build up – Morrigan insisted on waiting to make a shot deadlier. Alestia looked around for a suitable target: she was quite far from the camp, she preferred to keep her training away from her companions in case of unexpected embarrassment or unwanted casualties. Hitting a huge rock on her left side should do the trick. The Grey Warden closed her right eye for better aiming and put a tip of her tongue out in anticipation of due success. And then she gasped. Two hands wrapped gently around her waist and rib cage. She felt a body pressing against her own which sent shivers down her spine, she caught a heady scent of jasmine and leather which made her head spin lightly with pleasant sensation. Alestia smiled realizing who the intruder was.

"In Orlais a warrior must undergo several tests before he can master a skill or two, you know. Being able to concentrate while constantly distracted is the hardest of them," purred Leliana sending several light kisses down Alestia's neck.

The Grey Warden couldn't stop her skin from getting covered with goose bumps – even the slightest physical contact with the redheaded bard brought her to this state. Undoubtedly a very pleasant one.

"Mmm," the only thing Alestia could come up with at the moment, her fingers struggling to keep bow string's pressure.

"So you'd better proceed with what you intended to do, my dearest Warden, before the last of your powers abandon you," teased Leliana biting tenderly her beloved's earlobe.

It took a great deal of self-control for Alestia not to moan loudly, she realized that Leliana, may be even unconsciously, hit most of her erotogenic zones, thus making the task lying ahead a tantalizing torture. But the Grey Warden really wanted to impress her Orlesian friend with her composure and concentration, so she manned herself and fired before the bard attempted another assault on her sensitive areas. The arrow reached its aim, hitting the rock with such great force that it was smashed into tiny smithereens. Both Alestia and Leliana stared at the empty space, where a moment ago a huge rock dwelled, with their mouths opened.

"Maker's breath! Well, it will certainly come in handy while fighting dreadful darkspawn!" finally managed to say Leliana.

"I guess Morrigan _**can**_ give some sensible advice after all," chuckled Alestia.

The bard giggled. She freed the Grey Warden from her embrace only to turn the green-eyed noble to face her.

"I must admit you performed admirably during my little test," hummed Leliana taking Alestia's hand in hers.

Although almost two weeks passed since the two of them confessed their feelings for each other, the casual bare skin contact still brought that incredible sensation of tiny electric discharge passing from one to another. Both women smiled slightly when their hands touched.

"Do I get a reward?" grinned Alestia, but blushed to the roots of her hair a second later, presuming she was too bold to say it.

Leliana adored Warden's constant shyness. The bard gave her a radiant smile and drew Alestia closer.

"Well, aren't you an opportunist, my sweet," teased Leliana and before Alestia could say anything trying to set herself right with the redheaded beauty, she pressed the Grey Warden to herself and kissed her.

Alestia melted at the feeling of soft and warm voluptuous lips caressing her own. She cupped Leliana's face with her hands, drawing her even closer and thus making their kiss more intense. Leliana's tongue was wandering around her companion's palate and teeth, which made Alestia ticklish. She tittered, biting the redhead's upper lip in the process and then tenderly licking the area in a hasty attempt to atone, which caused Leliana to emit a moan of pleasure. Alestia smiled, their tongues interlaced with one another once more before the Warden broke off the kiss to gasp for some air.

"I wish I could get this kind of reward with every darkspawn slayed by my now so mighty arrow," she mused, lowering her eyes.

"Hm, that's a thought! But I am afraid we'll have to hold on to the idea of stopping the Blight, because there will be so much catching up to do, no?" said Leliana in a sultry voice.

Alestia sighed.

"Well, I think I am going to visit our lovely witch and tell her of my progress. I'll see you later, Leli," said the Grey Warden looking at the bard, who gave her another disarming smile.

"Oh, I enjoy it when you call me Leli," she beamed.

"And I enjoy hearing you saying whatever you want to say. Your accent is so… bewitching."

Now it was Leliana's turn to blush like a rose.

"You… You are the first person to complement my accent. People in Ferelden are pretty hostile and suspicious towards Orlesians and I can understand why, of course. Even when I lived in the Chantry in Lothering I had to endure a lot of disdain from my fellow brothers and sisters."

"They are fools! Or they simply envy that Maker granted you this enchanting voice. Just hearing you speaking makes me the happiest person in whole Ferelden."

"You are so sweet! Thank you for your kind words. You don't know how it makes me feel to hear you say that."

Alestia bit her lip to hide the euphoric grin tugging at her mouth. She looked at the bard's beautiful sky blue eyes one more time and moved towards the camp. Leliana stayed on the training ground to sharpen her dagger throwing skills.

Camp looked peaceful. Zevran was talking to Sten, strangely wiggling his brows from time to time that made Qunary's brows unite at his nose bridge and his face darken. Oghren, leaning on his great battleaxe, was gazing at Shale who was looking daggers at the nearby tree full of small forest birds which even made its shoulder crystals flare up with hatred. There was an occasional happy bark from Tulip, who was chasing Alistair around his tent trying to snatch a bone from his hands.

Alestia laughed when her Mabari war dog finally knocked the former Templar down, covering his hands and face with excessive saliva. She was watching Alistair in his petty attempt to get rid of Tulip's ever joyous muzzle when she heard a calm voice of older mage right beside her.

"You're quite taken with each other, aren't you?"

Alestia looked at Wynne with an expression of surprise on her face.

"Who? Alistair and I?" she asked her dark eyebrows rose, making two perfect arches.

Wynne looked at somebody over Warden's shoulder, cocking her left brow. Alestia turned her head, following mage's gaze and saw Leliana.

"…Leliana?" said fair-haired noble in a low voice.

Orlesian redhead was moving gracefully towards the campfire, she sent a sunny smile to Alestia when she caught her glance. The Grey Warden dropped her eyes and turned back to the older mage whose suspicions only strengthened with this small display. Wynne folded her arms on her chest and looked right into Alestia's eyes trying to read her thoughts.

"I've seen the way she looks at you, the familiarity with which you speak, how she always finds a way to place herself next to you."

"I…well…She does do that, doesn't she?" said Alestia, acknowledging the fact.

"I have noticed your blossoming relationship, and I wanted to ask you where you think it was going."

_The look of the bottomless sky blue eyes, where one can __be lost so easily; the taste of honey on the sensual lips, one wish to never stop caressing; the scent of jasmine in the ruby colored hair, one would breathe in till the head starts spinning around; the ringing laughter, which makes one's heart bounce with joy._

Alestia blinked several times, trying to catch up with the reality and Wynne's reasoning.

"Leliana is a remarkable girl, sincere and guileless, and she has opened her heart to you. I would not like to see her hurt."

"I would never hurt Leliana," said the Grey Warden frowning.

_I'd sooner __take my own life…_

"Not intentionally no, but there is great possibility's for tragedy here," proceeded Wynne, her voice ringing with calm confidence. "You are a Grey Warden. You have responsibilities which should succeed your personal desires."

"I am a human being with emotions not just a Grey Warden," mumbled Alestia.

"Love is ultimately selfish. It demands that one be devoted to a single person, who may fully occupy one's mind and heart, to the exclusion of all else. A Grey Warden cannot afford to be selfish. You may be forced to choose between saving your love and saving everyone else, and then what would you do?"

Alestia wanted to yell at the top of her voice. She was angry with Wynne for telling what she was afraid to hear, with herself for being such a light-minded dolt, with Duncan for making her life a living hell, with her mother for not allowing her to stay with her and dad and fight for their lives, with Dairren for being such a fool and sneaking outside her bedroom to be brutally killed a moment later. _Life is unfair. The choice is unfair._

"What am I supposed to do, tell Leliana to go away?"

"You may have to, to save one or both of you from unnecessary anguish later on."

Alestia's cheeks were burning with indignation. She knew her older companion was right, but she couldn't imagine herself being apart from Leliana. It felt awful. She felt awful. She needed her. She was selfish. But she had responsibility. Her life was not her own. _Maker, why was I chosen? I didn't wish for it to happen._

Alestia gave Wynne black looks. Her eyes were wet with oncoming tears.

"I have given my advice, do with it what you will" said older mage, her voice still steady.

Alestia stormed off to the only place she could think of at the moment. Morrigan's campfire.

A/N: When I finally got that dialogue from Wynne in game I was so mad with her that I wanted to punch her! But my Cousland is too noble to even snap at her! Argh! Anyways I twisted it a bit, but kept the most important things.

Thank you all for reading! I will update as soon as I get my hands off my graduation Diploma! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Alestia gave her father black looks, her whole body shaking from indignation.

"Off you go, Pup," said Bryce Cousland, his voice warm with a small shadow of concern as his offspring stormed down the hall.

"Your daughter is quite a rebel, your Lordship," Arl Howe smirked. The entire drama only strengthened his beliefs that the Teyrn's children were a bunch of spoiled brats who couldn't even possibly understand how lucky they were to inherit such a great treasure as Highever.

"She is still young and inexperienced, my friend," said the senior of Cousland family defensively. "But I am positive my daughter will understand the importance of this marriage soon enough."

He looked at a stout dark-skinned man to his left.

"My apologies, Duncan. I wasn't going to make the matter public so early, but my fierce girl left me no other choice."

"I understand, your Lordship. But it was my fault; I shouldn't have brought up my recruitment request so boldly. Our order is too small to risk animosity with Ferelden's nobility," reassured the leader of the Grey Wardens.

"And glad I am to hear it. This marriage is the best way to ensure the trust between the Howe and Cousland houses; especially now, when we're about to levy war on darkspawn," said the Teyrn, frowning at the thought of those malicious creatures.

"Indeed." Another smirk appeared on Rendon Howe's thin lips as he saw the last unit of the Highever forces marching towards the main gates.

...

Alestia's footsteps echoed angrily on her way to Fergus' chambers. Her hands balled into fists and the expression on her face read anything but nice and tranquil. The guards stationed at treasury and library lowered their eyes as she passed and Alestia wondered if they all knew about the matchmaking already. Was she the last person in Highever to learn about her own wedding? She closed her eyes tight for a mere second, but it was enough for her to bump into Ser Gilmore. They both shrieked when their foreheads collided.

"You! How could you not tell me?" exclaimed Alestia, rubbing her sore forehead.

"What? I found out about it an hour ago myself!" countered Ser Gilmore. "I saw your father meeting this Grey Warden, but how could I possibly know they were talking about me? Maker's blood, can you imagine? Me? A Grey Warden! It would be everything I've dreamed of!"

"Right," mumbled the youngest of the Couslands. "You are about to become a hero of Ferelden and I am about to be forced to marry Thomas Howe, give birth to five children and end up counting how many roast beefs shall be ordered for the next dinner!"

"Oh," gasped the Warden-to-be. "My ladyship, I had no idea…"

"Well, it makes two of us," sighed Alestia.

Ser Gilmore looked at her with a distinct compassion in his eyes. Alestia was always a fire, a wild spirit that no one could tame. No one except for her parents. He knew she hated it. She hated the fact that she was a noble, that she had to obey; that her opinion was meaningless when the future of Highever was at stake. He knew she would never survive in the cage of arranged marriage. Her fire would slowly die and she would become one of those plump and pompous ladies they met during Highever festivities whose only concern was to find a good match for their numerous sons and daughters.

"You know, Lady Landra and her son are here," he said, placing his hand on Alestia's delicate shoulder. A small smile flashed in the corners of his mouth.

Alestia glanced at Ser Gilmore meaningfully. Both of them knew that Dairren was fond of her. He was the only one whose company she could endure while spending time in the family library. There she talked passionately about ancient heroes of Ferelden and Tevinter Imperium, about dragons and demons, swinging her daggers or riding her Mabari hound as if he was a mighty griffon described in Brother Timious' works, fighting imaginary darkspawn. Dairren shared her fascination with books of history and adventure, but he tried to refrain himself from imaginary battles, giving all the glory to Alestia, whose vigorous yet swift movements and acute war cries always held him in awe and adoration of the fair-haired lady. She liked Dairren enough to allow him to spend time in her chambers during his mother's visits to Highever, when they dreamed of future victories: she – a notorious warrior, a master of bow and daggers, a defender of weak and needy, a sworn enemy of evil and corruption; and he – her faithful knight (or squire as he preferred himself) who was to record all their adventures.

Come to think of it, she rather preferred to marry him than Rendon Howe's offspring if there was no chance to avoid the matter at all. But her parents' mind had been already set and it seemed it was decided long time ago. Unless… Unless she could do something about it.

"Then I'll be on my way to greet them," said Alestia, a small mischievous smile covering her pale, but beautiful face. "Thank you, Ser Gilmore."

...

"Have you read, "The Art of Passionate Love"?" inquired Alestia, reaching for a massive tome bound in red leather.

She was a bit nervous, but tried to cover it with a mask of constant smiles and giggles.

"Brother Capria's work?" asked Dairren, his cheeks and neck turning red. "Oh… that was banned by the Chantry, wasn't it? Quite… provocative, I understand. But I've, ah, never read it, myself."

Alestia sat beside Dairren, the book resting on her lap. She looked into his hazel eyes, then her gaze moved slowly to his nose and finally stopped at his lips. He gulped and bit his lower lip.

"It isn't really meant for reading," she said in a low voice, taking Dairren's hand in hers.

He felt his body strain, a pleasant heat was spreading across his arms and legs. Alestia tilted her head, showing off her lovely neck. Her long blond hair cascaded down across her shoulders, contrasting with the dark green dress she wore. As if his free hand had a will of its own, it moved towards the exposed skin and touched a small pendant lying on her collarbone, sending shivers down her spine. His hand caressed her neck and slowly moved upwards till it reached her ear. Alestia groaned, her heart racing like crazy Chasind through Korcari Wilds. She covered Dairren's hand with her own and closed her eyes to intensify the feeling of another person touching her.

_What am I doing?_

He moved closer and now she could feel his warm breath on her lips. Then she felt her lips becoming wet and his tongue making its way inside her mouth. The sensation was strange, unknown, yet a pleasant one. She felt the heat of his body slowly passing on to her, making her own body more responsive to his caresses. Her head spun, and she could hear the pulse of her heart on the tips of his fingers as they moved clumsily along her dress in a hasty attempt to get rid of it. They tumbled into bed, the book falling from her lap and onto the floor. The kisses became deeper, the touching impatient. She arched her back to let him pull off her lower tunic and felt something as hard as a rock pressing against her thigh. He was tense and nervous, his movements careless and brusque. She looked at him and realized that she was not the only one to experience the pleasure of intimacy for the first time. She clutched at his back with her nails when he made his way inside her, a sharp pain overflowing any pleasant sensations. She clenched her teeth and felt her eyes becoming wet with tears.

_It hurts. No one told me it would hurt so much._

She heard him asking something, she saw him looking into her eyes with concern, but she couldn't say a word without crying out loud. But her senses came back to her when Tulip, her loyal Mabari who always slept by her bed, started growling and barking furiously, his small auburn eyes fixed on her bedroom door. She thought she heard a groan and a clash of blades - or was it what she felt like happening inside her own head?

"Hm, there is definitely something wrong," frowned Alestia, looking at her hound. "What is it, boy?"

Tulip's growls only intensified when his mistress tried to calm him down.

"Wait here," warned Dairren, putting a bedsheet around his hips. "I'll see if there's something out in the hall."

He tiptoed to the door and opened it slowly. She didn't see the arrows piercing his body, she only saw Dairren collapsing on the floor, his face stiffened in horror. The two well armed men made their way inside her chambers, stepping over the lifeless body of her lover. Alestia moved backwards in her bed, her eyes fixed on Dairren's face. Tulip charged at one of the assailants, knocking him down and digging into his shoulder with his sharp teeth. The other man approached the bed and grabbed Alestia by her hair. He threw her off the bedsheets and onto the floor. He slapped her hard several times and smiled wryly before unsheathing his sword. The blade raised and fell out of his hand as the Mabari bit his arm, his huge fangs ripping off the flesh. The first wave of shock passed and Alestia came out of her stupor. She reached for her daggers and thrust them deeply into the assailant's feet. The man howled with pain before his throat was jugulated in one swift motion. Her eyes burned with anger and desperation, a grimace of hatred and pain covering her fine noble features. Alestia put on her light tunic, her hands shaking as adrenaline rushed through her veins. She looked around the room, searching for the place where she left her leather armor, trying hard to avoid the area where Dairren's body lay. A sudden noise in the hall caught her attention: the air rang with Teryna Eleanor's war cry. Tulip darted off the room, barking fiercely, ready to attack anyone who dared to lift a hand against his mistress' mother. Alestia grabbed her bow and a quiver full of arrows she and Ser Gilmore prepared a day earlier and ran out of her chambers, following the mighty hound.

The fight ended quickly, as nobody could run into the armored to the teeth battle maiden and get out with his limbs still in place. As the last man fell, Eleanor took her sword out of his chest and looked at her daughter, deep anxiety showing on her face.

"Darling! I heard fighting outside and I feared the worst! Andraste's mercy, you're hurt!"

Alestia stood in front of her, a long white tunic the only piece of clothing covering her body, which contrasted sharply with stripes of blood on her pale legs. She looked at her legs, then back at her mother.

"It's… nothing," she murmured, her face flushing.

Eleanor neared her daughter examining the young lady in front of her. She followed Alestia's gaze back to her room and saw a naked body of a man with arrows sticking out of his chest and throat.

"Dairren!" she gasped a realization of what happened, sobering her up.

"Mother, I…" Alestia choked down the tears ready to flood her cheeks. "It's my fault."

Eleanor fixed her eyes on her daughter.

"Did you see their shields? Those are Howe's men," she said, gritting her teeth. "I don't know what this treacherous bastard wants, but he will never get his hands on my family."

_Oh, Maker, she understood, but she is not mad at me._

Alestia hugged her mother. She couldn't keep her tears any longer, so she began weeping on her shoulder.

"We must find your father," said the older woman, stroking her child's hair.

Alestia was quite slow to grasp the following events. They found Oren and Oriana mercilessly killed in Fergus' chambers. Eleanor cried like a wounded she-wolf whose cubs were taken from her by Chasind barbarians. She called down curses upon Howe and cut his soldiers as if they were made of wood. They met Ser Gilmore who kept guarding the main gates, throwing his last forces to make sure the Couslands could escape the massacre. Alestia hugged him and kissed his blood-stained cheek. He smiled bitterly and wished them good luck. She feared she would never see him again. They ran into the severed bodies of Nun and her elven servants before finding Bryce lying in his own blood at the back of the kitchen. Alestia tried to assure her father and herself that he would make it, that they could all escape, find Fergus at Ostagar and take vengeance upon Howe. She couldn't see how bad the injuries were, because her eyes were covered in an impenetrable shroud of tears. She heard Duncan, who came shortly after they found the head of Cousland family, talking to her mother, but she couldn't fathom a word of their conversation. She heard Eleanor crying, she felt her father's shaking hands touching her shoulders and kissing her forehead. She remembered Duncan kneeling before Bryce, his voice steady but sad. She remembered how clearly he said "Grey Warden" and understood three other words: "vengeance", "Blight" and "duty". She felt her mother putting something silvery in her pouch and caressing her cheeks. She remembered Duncan's hand on her back, the way she fought him, trying to break free and stay with her parents, how easily he lifted her and flung her body over his broad shoulder. She remembered and swore never to forget.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, it really took me some time to update, but on the other hand I am finally done with my University paper! ;-)

I was planning on writing a prequel to "Where the Heart Is", but then I couldn't get rid of all these beautiful and ok, sometimes nasty, thoughts, which kept harassing my mind.

Again special thanks to DENISLAMINACCIA for his great support and wonderful ideas and DalishRanger for her time and efforts to make my English readable.


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